22nd sep .2010...more than 10 year wen I left school and moved away ..no I can say moved far away from one of the beatiful face which I watched for more than 3 yr. Something I thought that I will never across her name and any concern about her. But 3yr memory has taken so much space in my mind that it was impossible to wash out for whole of my life. The irony of the face is I not even talked to her a single time becuase I never felt I should talk to her. Only thing that I felt that I should watch her dat I did till last day of my school. In school I never thought about my carrier and any thing , just thing bothering what will happen after school, from where I will get the excitement to go school to see her and after coming from schoo dat tmrw she is going to come . It was the fact, these thing I never wanted to share with other that how nice I feel after seeing her. Without any interaction and relation how a person can such a joyful moment in neones lifes. That time I cant say it was Love or something as that time mind was not calculative enough to see as Love, It was something as that I never wantede to define. Wen I started to think, calculate the thing, apply mind ....jo bhi kaho ...I always tried to synchronised that with the Love, but failed because in Love at least there is some contribution from the other one also to whom you love. But in my case other one is not even aware who I am and with wat intenson I am. But on 22nd sep 2010, wen her friend called me friend of her, inspiter knowing the fact, mujhe etni khushi hui ki chalo etni mukam toe mili mere naam to uske naam k saath 10 saal baad hin sahi ...bulaya toe gaya.....
Mujhe kabhi laga nahi uske baare mein bhi kabhi jaan sakunga ...
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
TATA Review by Sudha murthy (wife of Narayan Murthy)..worth reading
HI,
It was probably the April of 1974. Bangalore was getting warm and
Gulmohars were blooming at the IISc campus. I was the only girl in
my postgraduate department and was staying at the ladies' hostel.
Other girls were pursuing research in different departments of
Science.
I was looking forward to going abroad to complete a doctorate in
Computer science. I had been offered scholarships from Universities
in the US. I had not thought of taking up a job in India .
One day, while on the way to my hostel from our lecture-hall
complex, I saw an advertisement on the notice board. It was a
standard job-requirement notice from the famous automobile companyTelco (now Tata Motors).
It stated that the company required young, bright engineers,
hardworking and with an excellent academic background, etc.
At the bottom was a small line: "Lady candidates need not apply."
I read it and was very upset. For the first time in my life I was up
against gender discrimination.
Though I was not keen on taking up the job, I saw it as a challenge.
I Had done extremely well in academics, better than most of my male
peers. Little did I know then that in real life academic excellence
is not enough to be successful.
After reading the notice I went fuming to my room. I decided to
inform the topmost person in Telco's management about the injustice
the company was perpetrating.
I got a postcard and started to write, but there was a
problem: I did not know who headed Telco.
I thought it must be one of the Tatas. I knew JRD Tata was the head
of The Tata Group; I had seen his pictures in newspapers (actually,
Sumant Moolgaokar was the company's chairman then). I took the card,
addressed it to JRD and started writing. To this day I remember
clearly what I wrote.
"The great Tatas have always been pioneers. They are the people who
started the basic infrastructure industries in India , such as iron
and steel, chemicals, textiles and locomotives. They have cared for
higher Education in India since 1900 and they were responsible for
the establishment of the Indian Institute of Science. Fortunately, I
study there. But I am surprised how a company such as Telco is
discriminating on the basis of gender."
I posted the letter and forgot about it. Less than 10 days later, I
received a telegram stating that I had to appear for an interview at
Telco's Pune facility at the company's expense. I was taken aback by
the telegram. My hostel mate told me I should use the opportunity to
go to Pune free of cost and buy them the famous Pune saris for
cheap!
I collected Rs 30 each from everyone who wanted a sari. When I look
back, I feel like laughing at the reasons for my going, but back
then they seemed good enough to make the trip.
It was my first visit to Pune and I immediately fell in love with
the city.
To this day it remains dear to me. I feel as much at home in Pune as
I do in Hubli, my hometown. The place changed my life in so many
ways. As directed, I went to Telco's Pimpri office for the
interview.
There were six people on the panel and I realised then that this was
serious business.
"This is the girl who wrote to JRD," I heard somebody whisper as
soon as I entered the room. By then I knew for sure that I would not
get the job. The realisation abolished all fear from my mind, so I
was rather cool while The interview was being conducted.
Even before the interview started, I reckoned the panel was biased,
so I told them, rather impolitely, "I hope this is only a technical
interview."
They were taken aback by my rudeness, and even today I am ashamed
about My attitude. The panel asked me technical questions and I
answered all of them.
Then an elderly gentleman with an affectionate voice told me, "Do
you Know why we said lady candidates need not apply? The reason is
that we have never employed any ladies on the shop floor. This is
not a co-ed college; this is a factory. When it comes to academics,
you are a first ranker throughout. We appreciate that, but people
like you should work in research laboratories. "
I was a young girl from small-town Hubli. My world had been a
limited place. I did not know the ways of large corporate houses and
their difficulties, so I answered, "But you must start somewhere,
otherwise no woman will ever be able to work in your factories."
Finally, after a long interview, I was told I had been successful.
So This was what the future had in store for me. Never had I thought
I would Take up a job in Pune. I met a shy young man from Karnataka
there, we became good friends and we got married.
It was only after joining Telco that I realized who JRD was: the
Uncrowned king of Indian industry. Now I was scared, but I did not
get to meet him till I was transferred to Bombay ..
One day I had to show some reports to Mr Moolgaokar, our chairman,
who we all knew as SM. I was in his office on The first floor of
Bombay House (the Tata headquarters) when, suddenly JRD walked in.
That was the first time I saw "appro JRD". Appro means "our" in
Gujarati. This was the affectionate term by which people at Bombay
House called him.
I was feeling very nervous, remembering my postcard episode. SM
Introduced me nicely, "Jeh (that's what his close associates called
him), this Young woman is an engineer and that too a postgraduate.
She is the first woman to work on the Telco shop floor." JRD looked
at me . I was praying he would not ask me any questions about my
interview (or the postcard that preceded it).
Thankfully, he didn't. Instead, he remarked. "It is nice that girls
are getting into engineering in our country. By the way, what is
your name?"
"When I joined Telco I was Sudha Kulkarni, Sir," I replied. "Now I
am Sudha Murthy." He smiled and kindly smile and started a
discussion with SM. As for me, I almost ran out of the room.
After that I used to see JRD on and off. He was the Tata Group
chairman and I was merely an engineer. There was nothing that we had
in common. I was In awe of him.
One day I was waiting for Murthy, my husband, to pick me up after
office hours. To my surprise I saw JRD standing next to me. I did
not know how to react. Yet again I started worrying about that
postcard. Looking back, I realise JRD had forgotten about it. It
must have been a small incident for him, but not so for me.
"Young lady, why are you here?" he asked. "Office time is over." I
said, "Sir, I'm waiting for my husband to come and pick me up." JRD
said, "It Is getting dark and there's no one in the corridor. I'll
wait with you till your husband comes."
I was quite used to waiting for Murthy, but having JRD waiting
alongside made me extremely uncomfortable.
I was nervous. Out of the corner of my eye I looked at him. He wore
a simple white pant and shirt. He was old, yet his face was glowing.
There wasn't any air of superiority about him. I was thinking, "Look
at this person. He is a chairman, a well-respected man in our
country and he is waiting for the sake of an ordinary employee."
Then I saw Murthy and I rushed out. JRD called and said, "Young
lady, Tell your husband never to make his wife wait again."
In 1982 I had to resign from my job at Telco. I was reluctant to go,
but I really did not have a choice. I was coming down the steps of
Bombay House after wrapping up my final settlement when I saw JRD
coming up. He was absorbed in thought. I wanted to say goodbye to
him, so I stopped. He saw me and paused.
Gently, he said, "So what are you doing, Mrs Kulkarni?" (That was
the Way he always addressed me.) "Sir, I am leaving Telco."
"Where are you going?" he asked. "Pune, Sir. My husband is starting
a company called Infosys and I'm shifting to Pune."
"Oh! And what will you do when you are successful."
"Sir, I don't know whether we will be successful."
"Never start with diffidence," he advised me. "Always start with
confidence. When you are successful you must give back to society.
Society gives us so much; we must reciprocate. I wish you all the
best."
Then JRD continued walking up the stairs. I stood there for what
seemed like a millennium. That was the last time I saw him alive.
Many years later I met Ratan Tata in the same Bombay House,
occupying the chair JRD once did. I told him of my many sweet
memories of working with Telco. Later, he wrote to me, "It was nice
hearing about Jeh from you. The sad part is that he's not alive to
see you today."
I consider JRD a great man because, despite being an extremely busy
person, he valued one postcard written by a young girl seeking
justice. He must have received thousands of letters everyday. He
could have thrown mine away, but he didn't do that. He respected the
intentions of that unknown girl, who had neither influence nor
money, and gave her an opportunity in his company. He did not merely
give her a job; he changed her life and
mindset forever.
Close to 50 per cent of the students in today's engineering colleges
are girls. And there are women on the shop floor in many industry
segments. I see these changes and I think of JRD. If at all time
stops and asks me What I want from life, I would say I wish JRD were
alive today to see how the company we started has grown. He would
have enjoyed it wholeheartedly.
My love and respect for the House of Tata remains undiminished by
the passage of time. I always looked up to JRD. I saw him as a role
model for his simplicity, his generosity, his kindness and the care
he took of his employees. Those blue eyes always reminded me of the
sky; they had the same vastness and magnificence.
(Sudha Murthy is a widely published writer and chairperson of the
Infosys Foundation involved in a number of social development
initiatives. Infosys chairman Narayana Murthy is her husband.)
Article sourced from: Lasting Legacies (Tata Review- Special
Commemorative Issue 2004), brought out by the house of Tatas to
commemorate the 100th birth anniversary of JRD Tata on July 29,
2004.
It was probably the April of 1974. Bangalore was getting warm and
Gulmohars were blooming at the IISc campus. I was the only girl in
my postgraduate department and was staying at the ladies' hostel.
Other girls were pursuing research in different departments of
Science.
I was looking forward to going abroad to complete a doctorate in
Computer science. I had been offered scholarships from Universities
in the US. I had not thought of taking up a job in India .
One day, while on the way to my hostel from our lecture-hall
complex, I saw an advertisement on the notice board. It was a
standard job-requirement notice from the famous automobile companyTelco (now Tata Motors).
It stated that the company required young, bright engineers,
hardworking and with an excellent academic background, etc.
At the bottom was a small line: "Lady candidates need not apply."
I read it and was very upset. For the first time in my life I was up
against gender discrimination.
Though I was not keen on taking up the job, I saw it as a challenge.
I Had done extremely well in academics, better than most of my male
peers. Little did I know then that in real life academic excellence
is not enough to be successful.
After reading the notice I went fuming to my room. I decided to
inform the topmost person in Telco's management about the injustice
the company was perpetrating.
I got a postcard and started to write, but there was a
problem: I did not know who headed Telco.
I thought it must be one of the Tatas. I knew JRD Tata was the head
of The Tata Group; I had seen his pictures in newspapers (actually,
Sumant Moolgaokar was the company's chairman then). I took the card,
addressed it to JRD and started writing. To this day I remember
clearly what I wrote.
"The great Tatas have always been pioneers. They are the people who
started the basic infrastructure industries in India , such as iron
and steel, chemicals, textiles and locomotives. They have cared for
higher Education in India since 1900 and they were responsible for
the establishment of the Indian Institute of Science. Fortunately, I
study there. But I am surprised how a company such as Telco is
discriminating on the basis of gender."
I posted the letter and forgot about it. Less than 10 days later, I
received a telegram stating that I had to appear for an interview at
Telco's Pune facility at the company's expense. I was taken aback by
the telegram. My hostel mate told me I should use the opportunity to
go to Pune free of cost and buy them the famous Pune saris for
cheap!
I collected Rs 30 each from everyone who wanted a sari. When I look
back, I feel like laughing at the reasons for my going, but back
then they seemed good enough to make the trip.
It was my first visit to Pune and I immediately fell in love with
the city.
To this day it remains dear to me. I feel as much at home in Pune as
I do in Hubli, my hometown. The place changed my life in so many
ways. As directed, I went to Telco's Pimpri office for the
interview.
There were six people on the panel and I realised then that this was
serious business.
"This is the girl who wrote to JRD," I heard somebody whisper as
soon as I entered the room. By then I knew for sure that I would not
get the job. The realisation abolished all fear from my mind, so I
was rather cool while The interview was being conducted.
Even before the interview started, I reckoned the panel was biased,
so I told them, rather impolitely, "I hope this is only a technical
interview."
They were taken aback by my rudeness, and even today I am ashamed
about My attitude. The panel asked me technical questions and I
answered all of them.
Then an elderly gentleman with an affectionate voice told me, "Do
you Know why we said lady candidates need not apply? The reason is
that we have never employed any ladies on the shop floor. This is
not a co-ed college; this is a factory. When it comes to academics,
you are a first ranker throughout. We appreciate that, but people
like you should work in research laboratories. "
I was a young girl from small-town Hubli. My world had been a
limited place. I did not know the ways of large corporate houses and
their difficulties, so I answered, "But you must start somewhere,
otherwise no woman will ever be able to work in your factories."
Finally, after a long interview, I was told I had been successful.
So This was what the future had in store for me. Never had I thought
I would Take up a job in Pune. I met a shy young man from Karnataka
there, we became good friends and we got married.
It was only after joining Telco that I realized who JRD was: the
Uncrowned king of Indian industry. Now I was scared, but I did not
get to meet him till I was transferred to Bombay ..
One day I had to show some reports to Mr Moolgaokar, our chairman,
who we all knew as SM. I was in his office on The first floor of
Bombay House (the Tata headquarters) when, suddenly JRD walked in.
That was the first time I saw "appro JRD". Appro means "our" in
Gujarati. This was the affectionate term by which people at Bombay
House called him.
I was feeling very nervous, remembering my postcard episode. SM
Introduced me nicely, "Jeh (that's what his close associates called
him), this Young woman is an engineer and that too a postgraduate.
She is the first woman to work on the Telco shop floor." JRD looked
at me . I was praying he would not ask me any questions about my
interview (or the postcard that preceded it).
Thankfully, he didn't. Instead, he remarked. "It is nice that girls
are getting into engineering in our country. By the way, what is
your name?"
"When I joined Telco I was Sudha Kulkarni, Sir," I replied. "Now I
am Sudha Murthy." He smiled and kindly smile and started a
discussion with SM. As for me, I almost ran out of the room.
After that I used to see JRD on and off. He was the Tata Group
chairman and I was merely an engineer. There was nothing that we had
in common. I was In awe of him.
One day I was waiting for Murthy, my husband, to pick me up after
office hours. To my surprise I saw JRD standing next to me. I did
not know how to react. Yet again I started worrying about that
postcard. Looking back, I realise JRD had forgotten about it. It
must have been a small incident for him, but not so for me.
"Young lady, why are you here?" he asked. "Office time is over." I
said, "Sir, I'm waiting for my husband to come and pick me up." JRD
said, "It Is getting dark and there's no one in the corridor. I'll
wait with you till your husband comes."
I was quite used to waiting for Murthy, but having JRD waiting
alongside made me extremely uncomfortable.
I was nervous. Out of the corner of my eye I looked at him. He wore
a simple white pant and shirt. He was old, yet his face was glowing.
There wasn't any air of superiority about him. I was thinking, "Look
at this person. He is a chairman, a well-respected man in our
country and he is waiting for the sake of an ordinary employee."
Then I saw Murthy and I rushed out. JRD called and said, "Young
lady, Tell your husband never to make his wife wait again."
In 1982 I had to resign from my job at Telco. I was reluctant to go,
but I really did not have a choice. I was coming down the steps of
Bombay House after wrapping up my final settlement when I saw JRD
coming up. He was absorbed in thought. I wanted to say goodbye to
him, so I stopped. He saw me and paused.
Gently, he said, "So what are you doing, Mrs Kulkarni?" (That was
the Way he always addressed me.) "Sir, I am leaving Telco."
"Where are you going?" he asked. "Pune, Sir. My husband is starting
a company called Infosys and I'm shifting to Pune."
"Oh! And what will you do when you are successful."
"Sir, I don't know whether we will be successful."
"Never start with diffidence," he advised me. "Always start with
confidence. When you are successful you must give back to society.
Society gives us so much; we must reciprocate. I wish you all the
best."
Then JRD continued walking up the stairs. I stood there for what
seemed like a millennium. That was the last time I saw him alive.
Many years later I met Ratan Tata in the same Bombay House,
occupying the chair JRD once did. I told him of my many sweet
memories of working with Telco. Later, he wrote to me, "It was nice
hearing about Jeh from you. The sad part is that he's not alive to
see you today."
I consider JRD a great man because, despite being an extremely busy
person, he valued one postcard written by a young girl seeking
justice. He must have received thousands of letters everyday. He
could have thrown mine away, but he didn't do that. He respected the
intentions of that unknown girl, who had neither influence nor
money, and gave her an opportunity in his company. He did not merely
give her a job; he changed her life and
mindset forever.
Close to 50 per cent of the students in today's engineering colleges
are girls. And there are women on the shop floor in many industry
segments. I see these changes and I think of JRD. If at all time
stops and asks me What I want from life, I would say I wish JRD were
alive today to see how the company we started has grown. He would
have enjoyed it wholeheartedly.
My love and respect for the House of Tata remains undiminished by
the passage of time. I always looked up to JRD. I saw him as a role
model for his simplicity, his generosity, his kindness and the care
he took of his employees. Those blue eyes always reminded me of the
sky; they had the same vastness and magnificence.
(Sudha Murthy is a widely published writer and chairperson of the
Infosys Foundation involved in a number of social development
initiatives. Infosys chairman Narayana Murthy is her husband.)
Article sourced from: Lasting Legacies (Tata Review- Special
Commemorative Issue 2004), brought out by the house of Tatas to
commemorate the 100th birth anniversary of JRD Tata on July 29,
2004.
Chetan Bhagat's speech @ Symbiosis pune---Excellent..just read and feel
Good Morning everyone and thank you for giving me this chance to speak to
you. This day is about you. You, who have come to this college, leaving
the comfort of your homes (or in some cases discomfort), to become
something in your life. I am sure you are excited. There are few days
in human life when one is truly elated. The first day in college is one
of them. When you were getting ready today, you felt a tingling in your
stomach. What would the auditorium be like, what would the teachers be
like, who are my new classmates - there is so much to be curious about.
I call this excitement, the spark within you that makes you feel truly
alive today. Today I am going to talk about keeping the spark shining.
Or to put it another way, how to be happy most, if not all the time.
Where
do these sparks start? I think we are born with them. My 3-year old
twin boys have a million sparks. A little Spiderman toy can make them
jump on the bed. They get thrills from creaky swings in the park. A
story from daddy gets them excited. They do a daily countdown for
birthday party — several months in advance — just for the day they
will cut their own birthday cake.
I see students like you, and I still see some sparks. But when I see older people, the spark is difficult to find. That means as we age, the spark fades.
People whose spark has faded too much are dull, dejected, aimless and
bitter. Remember Kareena in the first half of Jab We Met vs the second
half? That is what happens when the spark is lost. So how to save the
spark?
Imagine the spark to be a lamp’s flame. The first aspect is
nurturing - to give your spark the fuel, continuously. The second is to
guard against storms.
To
nurture, always have goals. It is human nature to strive, improve and
achieve full potential. In fact, that is success. It is what is
possible for you. It isn’t any external measure - a certain cost to
company pay package, a particular car or house.
Most of us are
from middle class families. To us, having material landmarks is success
and rightly so. When you have grown up where money constraints force
everyday choices, financial freedom is a big achievement. But it isn’t
the purpose of life. If that was the case, Mr. Ambani would not show up
for work. Shah Rukh Khan would stay at home and not dance anymore.
Steve Jobs won’t be working hard to make a better iPhone, as he sold
Pixar for billions of dollars already. Why do they do it? What makes
them come to work everyday? They do it because it makes them happy.
They do it because it makes them feel alive. Just getting better from current levels feels good. If
you study hard, you can improve your rank. If you make an effort to
interact with people, you will do better in interviews. If you
practice, your cricket will get better. You may also know that you
cannot become Tendulkar, yet. But you can get to the next level.
Striving for that next level is important.
Nature designed with a
random set of genes and circumstances in which we were born. To be
happy, we have to accept it and make the most of nature’s design. Are
you? Goals will help you do that. I must add, don’t just have career or
academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I
use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your
health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.
There
is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is
no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable
if your mind is full of tensions.
You must have read some quotes - Life is a tough race, it is a marathon or whatever. No, from what I have seen so far,
life is one of those races in nursery school, where you have to run
with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there
is no point coming first.
Same with life, where health and relationships are the marble. Your
striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you
may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited
and alive, will start to die.
One
last thing about nurturing the spark - don’t take life seriously. One
of my yoga teachers used to make students laugh during classes. One
student asked him if these jokes would take away something from the
yoga practice. The teacher said - don’t be serious, be sincere.
This quote has defined my work ever since. Whether its my writing, my
job, my relationships or any of my goals. I get thousands of opinions
on my writing everyday. There is heaps of praise, there is intense
criticism. If I take it all seriously, how will I write? Or rather, how
will I live? Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are really
temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If
we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500
weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? It’s ok, bunk a few
classes, goof up a few interviews, fall in love. We are people, not
programmed devices.
I’ve
told you three things - reasonable goals, balance and not taking it too
seriously that will nurture the spark. However, there are four storms
in life that will threaten to completely put out the flame. These must
be guarded against. These are disappointment, frustration, unfairness
and loneliness of purpose.
Disappointment
will come when your effort does not give you the expected return. If
things don’t go as planned or if you face failure. Failure is extremely
difficult to handle, but those that do come out stronger. What did this
failure teach me? is the question you will need to ask. You will feel
miserable. You will want to quit, like I wanted to when nine publishers
rejected my first book. Some IITians kill themselves over low grades
— how silly is that? But that is how much failure can hurt you. But
it’s life. If challenges could always be overcome, they would cease to be a challenge. And remember - if you are failing at something, that means you are at your limit or potential. And that’s where you want to be.
Disappointment’
s cousin is frustration, the second storm. Have you ever been
frustrated? It happens when things are stuck. This is especially
relevant in India. From traffic jams to getting that job you deserve,
sometimes things take so long that you don’t know if you chose the
right goal. After books, I set the goal of writing for Bollywood, as I
thought they needed writers. I am called extremely lucky, but it took
me five years to get close to a release. Frustration saps excitement,
and turns your initial energy into something negative, making you a
bitter person. How did I deal with it? A realistic assessment of the
time involved — movies take a long time to make even though they are
watched quickly, seeking a certain enjoyment in the process rather than the end result
— at least I was learning how to write scripts, having a side plan
— I had my third book to write and even something as simple as
pleasurable distractions in your life - friends, food, travel can help
you overcome it. Remember, nothing is to be taken seriously.
Frustration is a sign somewhere, you took it too seriously.
Unfairness
- this is hardest to deal with, but unfortunately that is how our
country works. People with connections, rich dads, beautiful faces,
pedigree find it easier to make it — not just in Bollywood, but
everywhere. And sometimes it is just plain luck. There are so few
opportunities in India, so many stars need to be aligned for you to
make it happen. Merit and hard work is not always linked to achievement
in the short term, but the long term correlation is high, and
ultimately things do work out. But realize, there will be some people
luckier than you. In fact, to have an opportunity to go to college and
understand this speech in English means you are pretty damm lucky by
Indian standards. Let’s be grateful for what we have and get the
strength to accept what we don’t. I have so much love from my readers
that other writers cannot even imagine it. However, I don’t get
literary praise. It’s ok. I don’t look like Aishwarya Rai, but I have
two boys who I think are more beautiful than her. It’s ok. Don’t let
unfairness kill your spark.
Finally,
the last point that can kill your spark is isolation. As you grow older
you will realize you are unique. When you are little, all kids want Ice
cream and Spiderman. As you grow older to college, you still are a lot
like your friends. But ten years later and you realize you are unique.
What you want, what you believe in, what makes you feel, may be
different from even the people closest to you. This can create conflict
as your goals may not match with others. . And you may drop some of
them. Basketball captains in college invariably stop playing basketball
by the time they have their second child. They give up something that
meant so much to them. They do it for their family. But in doing that,
the spark dies. Never, ever make that compromise. Love yourself first,
and then others.
There you go. I’ve told you the four
thunderstorms - disappointment, frustration, unfairness and isolation.
You cannot avoid them, as like the monsoon they will come into your
life at regular intervals. You just need to keep the raincoat handy to
not let the spark die.
I
welcome you again to the most wonderful years of your life. If someone
gave me the choice to go back in time, I will surely choose college.
But I also hope that ten years later as well, your eyes will shine the
same way as they do today. That you will Keep the Spark alive, not only
through college, but through the next 2,500 weekends. And I hope not
just you, but my whole country will keep that spark alive, as we really
need it now more than any moment in history. And there is something
cool about saying - I come from the land of a billion sparks.
you. This day is about you. You, who have come to this college, leaving
the comfort of your homes (or in some cases discomfort), to become
something in your life. I am sure you are excited. There are few days
in human life when one is truly elated. The first day in college is one
of them. When you were getting ready today, you felt a tingling in your
stomach. What would the auditorium be like, what would the teachers be
like, who are my new classmates - there is so much to be curious about.
I call this excitement, the spark within you that makes you feel truly
alive today. Today I am going to talk about keeping the spark shining.
Or to put it another way, how to be happy most, if not all the time.
Where
do these sparks start? I think we are born with them. My 3-year old
twin boys have a million sparks. A little Spiderman toy can make them
jump on the bed. They get thrills from creaky swings in the park. A
story from daddy gets them excited. They do a daily countdown for
birthday party — several months in advance — just for the day they
will cut their own birthday cake.
I see students like you, and I still see some sparks. But when I see older people, the spark is difficult to find. That means as we age, the spark fades.
People whose spark has faded too much are dull, dejected, aimless and
bitter. Remember Kareena in the first half of Jab We Met vs the second
half? That is what happens when the spark is lost. So how to save the
spark?
Imagine the spark to be a lamp’s flame. The first aspect is
nurturing - to give your spark the fuel, continuously. The second is to
guard against storms.
To
nurture, always have goals. It is human nature to strive, improve and
achieve full potential. In fact, that is success. It is what is
possible for you. It isn’t any external measure - a certain cost to
company pay package, a particular car or house.
Most of us are
from middle class families. To us, having material landmarks is success
and rightly so. When you have grown up where money constraints force
everyday choices, financial freedom is a big achievement. But it isn’t
the purpose of life. If that was the case, Mr. Ambani would not show up
for work. Shah Rukh Khan would stay at home and not dance anymore.
Steve Jobs won’t be working hard to make a better iPhone, as he sold
Pixar for billions of dollars already. Why do they do it? What makes
them come to work everyday? They do it because it makes them happy.
They do it because it makes them feel alive. Just getting better from current levels feels good. If
you study hard, you can improve your rank. If you make an effort to
interact with people, you will do better in interviews. If you
practice, your cricket will get better. You may also know that you
cannot become Tendulkar, yet. But you can get to the next level.
Striving for that next level is important.
Nature designed with a
random set of genes and circumstances in which we were born. To be
happy, we have to accept it and make the most of nature’s design. Are
you? Goals will help you do that. I must add, don’t just have career or
academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I
use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your
health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.
There
is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is
no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable
if your mind is full of tensions.
You must have read some quotes - Life is a tough race, it is a marathon or whatever. No, from what I have seen so far,
life is one of those races in nursery school, where you have to run
with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there
is no point coming first.
Same with life, where health and relationships are the marble. Your
striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you
may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited
and alive, will start to die.
One
last thing about nurturing the spark - don’t take life seriously. One
of my yoga teachers used to make students laugh during classes. One
student asked him if these jokes would take away something from the
yoga practice. The teacher said - don’t be serious, be sincere.
This quote has defined my work ever since. Whether its my writing, my
job, my relationships or any of my goals. I get thousands of opinions
on my writing everyday. There is heaps of praise, there is intense
criticism. If I take it all seriously, how will I write? Or rather, how
will I live? Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are really
temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If
we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500
weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? It’s ok, bunk a few
classes, goof up a few interviews, fall in love. We are people, not
programmed devices.
I’ve
told you three things - reasonable goals, balance and not taking it too
seriously that will nurture the spark. However, there are four storms
in life that will threaten to completely put out the flame. These must
be guarded against. These are disappointment, frustration, unfairness
and loneliness of purpose.
Disappointment
will come when your effort does not give you the expected return. If
things don’t go as planned or if you face failure. Failure is extremely
difficult to handle, but those that do come out stronger. What did this
failure teach me? is the question you will need to ask. You will feel
miserable. You will want to quit, like I wanted to when nine publishers
rejected my first book. Some IITians kill themselves over low grades
— how silly is that? But that is how much failure can hurt you. But
it’s life. If challenges could always be overcome, they would cease to be a challenge. And remember - if you are failing at something, that means you are at your limit or potential. And that’s where you want to be.
Disappointment’
s cousin is frustration, the second storm. Have you ever been
frustrated? It happens when things are stuck. This is especially
relevant in India. From traffic jams to getting that job you deserve,
sometimes things take so long that you don’t know if you chose the
right goal. After books, I set the goal of writing for Bollywood, as I
thought they needed writers. I am called extremely lucky, but it took
me five years to get close to a release. Frustration saps excitement,
and turns your initial energy into something negative, making you a
bitter person. How did I deal with it? A realistic assessment of the
time involved — movies take a long time to make even though they are
watched quickly, seeking a certain enjoyment in the process rather than the end result
— at least I was learning how to write scripts, having a side plan
— I had my third book to write and even something as simple as
pleasurable distractions in your life - friends, food, travel can help
you overcome it. Remember, nothing is to be taken seriously.
Frustration is a sign somewhere, you took it too seriously.
Unfairness
- this is hardest to deal with, but unfortunately that is how our
country works. People with connections, rich dads, beautiful faces,
pedigree find it easier to make it — not just in Bollywood, but
everywhere. And sometimes it is just plain luck. There are so few
opportunities in India, so many stars need to be aligned for you to
make it happen. Merit and hard work is not always linked to achievement
in the short term, but the long term correlation is high, and
ultimately things do work out. But realize, there will be some people
luckier than you. In fact, to have an opportunity to go to college and
understand this speech in English means you are pretty damm lucky by
Indian standards. Let’s be grateful for what we have and get the
strength to accept what we don’t. I have so much love from my readers
that other writers cannot even imagine it. However, I don’t get
literary praise. It’s ok. I don’t look like Aishwarya Rai, but I have
two boys who I think are more beautiful than her. It’s ok. Don’t let
unfairness kill your spark.
Finally,
the last point that can kill your spark is isolation. As you grow older
you will realize you are unique. When you are little, all kids want Ice
cream and Spiderman. As you grow older to college, you still are a lot
like your friends. But ten years later and you realize you are unique.
What you want, what you believe in, what makes you feel, may be
different from even the people closest to you. This can create conflict
as your goals may not match with others. . And you may drop some of
them. Basketball captains in college invariably stop playing basketball
by the time they have their second child. They give up something that
meant so much to them. They do it for their family. But in doing that,
the spark dies. Never, ever make that compromise. Love yourself first,
and then others.
There you go. I’ve told you the four
thunderstorms - disappointment, frustration, unfairness and isolation.
You cannot avoid them, as like the monsoon they will come into your
life at regular intervals. You just need to keep the raincoat handy to
not let the spark die.
I
welcome you again to the most wonderful years of your life. If someone
gave me the choice to go back in time, I will surely choose college.
But I also hope that ten years later as well, your eyes will shine the
same way as they do today. That you will Keep the Spark alive, not only
through college, but through the next 2,500 weekends. And I hope not
just you, but my whole country will keep that spark alive, as we really
need it now more than any moment in history. And there is something
cool about saying - I come from the land of a billion sparks.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Girlfriend ..Is every one lucky
It's funny but is the fact....For a MECHANICAL GUY
The fact which i never wanted. It never left me even in my best days just like a true friend. Even i don't know where to start as there are several starting...some of them came in action other died as an idea...means I have approached few girl in my life after lot of thinking ....With some of them communication was so poor that I even could n't earn their trust...(Mostly feel nervous and m not a exception) . With others, I gave them long long time, behaved naturally, gave whole of my trust, expressed everything not by words but by act and through eye and finally each of them yeah all of them became same as they were like a stranger nd me returned to my previous state accepting the fact. Finally i was same ....hope never die and fact can't leave ..really funny ....even knowing the fact I again and again chose hope ....and always making me realise that getting a girlfriend is not easy for every one. Some are lucky not all.....Taking lesson from past and judging my hold in this field I reduced my level by just having the girl as a friend only...means girlfriend for name sake .........nd for a MECHANICAL guy ..it was also not a easy going job...not a single gal knows me more than my name .....And all these forced me to start my preparation like who should I approach the lady (it scares me a lot)...how do i really should behave ....what do I do ..so that at least i can win a trust to some level of atleast ...atleast one gal to whom I like .....
Well, ofcourse, an abstract answer is increase your sample space..so to say ..start asking larger number of girls. But do I really have time for that?? or rather, does everyone else do like that?? I dont think so. To get a Girlfriend doesnt mean that you approach 100 girls ensuring a greater probability to get one.
Well, lets accept the fact and get going again ..its not neccessary to understand everything we can be happy neway ..i never ask why ...becasuse its biggest enemy of peaceful mind ..now it never surprises me the things which happens in unusual way ..but makes me happy dat it happened ......as WHAT HAPPENS HAPPENS FOR THE BEST.........:)
.lets see what comes may...lets evolve...and make us fittest for the survival in the surroundings..
The fact which i never wanted. It never left me even in my best days just like a true friend. Even i don't know where to start as there are several starting...some of them came in action other died as an idea...means I have approached few girl in my life after lot of thinking ....With some of them communication was so poor that I even could n't earn their trust...(Mostly feel nervous and m not a exception) . With others, I gave them long long time, behaved naturally, gave whole of my trust, expressed everything not by words but by act and through eye and finally each of them yeah all of them became same as they were like a stranger nd me returned to my previous state accepting the fact. Finally i was same ....hope never die and fact can't leave ..really funny ....even knowing the fact I again and again chose hope ....and always making me realise that getting a girlfriend is not easy for every one. Some are lucky not all.....Taking lesson from past and judging my hold in this field I reduced my level by just having the girl as a friend only...means girlfriend for name sake .........nd for a MECHANICAL guy ..it was also not a easy going job...not a single gal knows me more than my name .....And all these forced me to start my preparation like who should I approach the lady (it scares me a lot)...how do i really should behave ....what do I do ..so that at least i can win a trust to some level of atleast ...atleast one gal to whom I like .....
Well, ofcourse, an abstract answer is increase your sample space..so to say ..start asking larger number of girls. But do I really have time for that?? or rather, does everyone else do like that?? I dont think so. To get a Girlfriend doesnt mean that you approach 100 girls ensuring a greater probability to get one.
Well, lets accept the fact and get going again ..its not neccessary to understand everything we can be happy neway ..i never ask why ...becasuse its biggest enemy of peaceful mind ..now it never surprises me the things which happens in unusual way ..but makes me happy dat it happened ......as WHAT HAPPENS HAPPENS FOR THE BEST.........:)
.lets see what comes may...lets evolve...and make us fittest for the survival in the surroundings..
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Fragging and suicide in Army and general population
A lot has been said about security failures in the wake of the Mumbai terror attacks - a shortage of personnel, poor equipment, poor coordination and poor training. The burden then is on the security personnel - it is they who have to deliver. But at the end of it all, it is these men, the security personnel, who lead the hardest life…they are overworked, underpaid, chronically short on sleep, separated from their loved ones, and often have to put their life at risk. What is the physical and psychological toll that they have to bear?
High stress and high risk
Well, in the last three years Indian army has recorded a 45 percent increase in the number of troops being discharged due to some psychological disorder. There has also been an increase in health problems, suicides and also fragging (murder of a senior officer by a junior). And those engaged in live action (insurgency, terrorism) suffer from these problems the most. The Indian Army has reported around 120 suicide and fragging cases in 2006, but ironically, they lost only 72 while fighting militants! The figure for suicides is about 100 suicides yearly. Taking into account the numbers - 11-lakh strong Indian Army - it translates into a rate of 9 suicides per 100,000.
The Indian Police and para-military forces also suffer from this malaise of suicide but no statistics were available on the net for India.
A comparison with America
Interestingly, suicides are higher in the American Army as compared to the Indian Army. In fact the US Army suicide rate has gone up and is now the highest ever in the last 26 years. When it comes to figures, there were 99 confirmed suicides among active duty soldiers in the US Army in 2006, up from 88 the previous year (rates have gone up after the Iraq and Afghanistan wars.) These figures are high considering that there are just about half a million American troops in active service and the rate of suicide works out to be 17.3 per 100,000. The average rate in earlier years had been around 12.3 per 100,000 in the US Army.
Some causes of going over the edge
High levels of stress can cause people to feel suicidal, but rage and frustration turned outwards can result in assault on others. In the army, juniors can develop hatred for a senior officer and as weapons are freely available this kind of situation can result in homicide. Psychologists believe that one of the reasons why soldiers (there are cases in the police force too) kill their superiors (fragging) is when they feel a strong sense “harassment and humiliation,” which usually comes in addition to the other stressors. A feeling of damage to the ego or a sense of frustration if leave is denied (and needed due to a family emergency) are the reasons given most of the time by the killers. What finally drives a soldier over the edge to commit murder is most of the time cruelty by a senior. If these cases are rising in the Army or in any other security force it is a great cause for worry because it means the force is falling short of true leaders. Tough conditions will always exist for those on the field, but a good leader manages to alleviate stress, not increase it.
When it comes to suicide, the reasons are more complex. While high anxiety and insecurity and lack of rest add to the problem…it is said that one of the main precipitators is when a soldier feels that the cause he is fighting for is meaningless. A soldier or a policeman can take stress better if he believes in his “cause.” Cases of suicide and fragging were unusual during the first and second world wars and it is thought that this is because the solders believed in a higher cause.
The Army suicide rate as compared to the national average
What I find a paradox is that the Army suicide rates do not seem to be higher than the suicide rate in the general population even though soldiers suffer from high stress. For example, the rate of 9 suicides per 100,000 population in the Indian Army is lower than the national suicide rate for men in the general population in India, which is 12.2 per 100,000 (WHO statistics). Even this 12.2 figure could be grossly underestimated. For one thing, the national statistics are for 1998 and the suicide rate could possibly be higher now, but more important, suicides in India are said to be under-reported. Some believe them to be at least three times more than they actually are. An article on an Indian Psychiatry site has suggested that suicide data from police records is not accurate as families of suicide victims usually do not report it as a suicide to avoid police investigation. Suicides in the Army are difficult to hide.
There is a similarity with the United States as well. The rate of suicide in the American population (2005: 17.7 for males) is about the same as that of the US Army but only now, after Afghanistan. Before Afghanistan, the suicide rate of the US Army was much lower than that of the general population, at 12.3.
This means that suicide rates of the general population are generally significantly higher than that of the Army, at least for India and America. I have not studied the figures for other countries.
However, some studies in the United States has shown that police officers have a higher rate of suicide than the general public, but I could not get any confirmation nor any reliable country-wise statistics.
Why should the suicide rate in the general population be lower?
Assuming that the statistics above are roughly correct, doesn’t it seem strange that the general population is more suicidal than Army personnel? Or perhaps not so strange…some groups may be more vulnerable to suicide than soldiers. But which groups are these?
Well, in this post of mine where I had written about the reasons for suicide, financial loss had emerged as an important factor in men’s suicides. And in another post on why Indians commit suicide, I had mentioned that self-employed people as a group had the highest rate of suicide in India. People in a job like the Army are financially secure and also have a better support system. I think there is a decent support system even amongst cops.
But that doesn’t take away from the fact that Army and other security personnel are more stressed and anxious than the general population. But soldiers (and I feel the police) in India aren’t committing suicide in the same numbers as the general population. Yes, there maybe plenty of cases of misconduct, high rates of alcoholism, marital and mental breakdowns, and health problems amongst soldiers fighting insurgency and wars, and amongst cops too…but their problems are not driving them to suicide in as large numbers as the general population.
Something could well be wrong with the statistics, and in that case my analysis would be faulty. These are just the thoughts that went through my mind as I studied the figures.
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